Advice on Relationships
Romantic partnerships are part and parcel of the human condition and are a necessary part of our daily experience. From time immemorial, people have sought varying advice on relationships: how to get them, how to keep them, and how to finish them. Seeking the council of friends and are some ways to gain a broader perspective. People may also take cues from the media, in the form of popular magazines, newspaper columns and television shows- that help them relate the experiences of others into their own lives.
Good friends can often be the first port of call when one is seeking sound advice on relationships. Friends will often lend a kind ear to your relationship troubles, and celebrate your love interests when things are going well. One downside to spilling out your heart to friends is that, though they care and sympathize with you, they often will remain loyal to your interests. If you profess that you no longer want anything to do with boyfriend X, label him a lout who treats you abominably, and then return to him the following day, friends are not normally as sympathetic to your woes as they once were. If you tend to do this chronically, friends may not want to hear about your on-again, off-again relationship altogether.
Asking family members advice on relationships may also be an emotional minefield, from which there may inevitably be casualties. Parents and siblings normally have your best interests at heart, and they can be even more fiercely loyal to you then friends. The saying “blood is thicker than water” has serious implications in this instance. They can be harsh judges of character, wishing to protect you from hurt. Confessing your fears about a partner may only serve to make them more cautious of your partner, and you can almost guarantee the next Sunday lunch together may probably be tense.
For women, popular magazines and love columns are an anonymous way of finding advice on relationships. Topics can range from dating to sex, friendship conflicts to familial acrimony. They usually appear in question and answer form, where one appointed “expert” responds to people’s problems. These columns are only helpful if you trust the respondent and the question asked is relevant to your life. If instead, you need a more immediate response and don’t wish to ask someone, relationship books often help to negotiate the complicated web of love. Psychologists or academic experts in the field may sometimes write these pieces, but the advice they give is not relevant to everyone.
Whether consciously or not, we often take advice on relationships through the media. Songs, films and television programs help to paint vivid pictures of relationship ideals and horrors. They may seem so idealized that they appear far removed from our day-to-day experiences, but they may be a balm for some, or an unrealistic model for others. Whichever the case may be, the media gives veiled advice on what we value and what we take for granted in our society.
If one is seeking help in solving a problem in their relationship, it doesn’t seem that there is a shortage of people willing to give advice. The most important thing to remember is that you are ultimately the sole bearer of responsibility for the decisions you make. It is therefore in your best interests to trust yourself above all. You are, in the end, the best suited of them all to give advice on your own relationship.
Do You Express Gratefulness In Your Relationship?
A relationship demands sacrifices. Both the partners sacrifice to make the relationship work. Recently I was with a couple and I was listening to the sacrifices the wife had made. She said: I used to paint when I was young. I was a dancer. I loved hiking. I loved outdoor sports. But now I am so overwhelmed with kids and home that I have no time for myself. I did not ask the husband but I am sure that he has also given up many things to make the relationship work. The question is do either of them feel grateful to the other for the sacrifices? I think that many times we forget that. Let us explore this more.
Many relationships destroy person’s desires. Women are anyway expected to give up more to look after family. If her husband is callous about her desires she feels very bad. That may begin a break-up. Though men may not give up as much as women they also give up lot of freedom. Acknowledgment of this is very important. I may have sacrificed a lot, but should it also go unnoticed? I will certainly feel used after that.
If the partner understands, he/she will find ways to help other realize the dreams and fulfill desires. If the partner is self-centered, this will not happen. But the partner can at least feel grateful about what is sacrificed. They may say a thank you for that whenever the occasion demands. They should try to find some way so that the unfulfilled dreams of their partner may get fulfilled. Only then the relationship will thrive.
Find out about your partners hobbies before they got into the relationship. Find out how much they miss that. If possible try something to help them go back to the hobby. If that is not possible acknowledge that sacrifice and be grateful to your partner.
The Art of Gratefulness: If you learn to appreciate more of what you already have, you'll find yourself having more to appreciate!
